


Too Long Since

by sherlockpond



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Blood, Character Death, Hurt, M/M, Post Reichenbach, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-29
Updated: 2013-05-29
Packaged: 2017-12-13 08:56:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/822439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlockpond/pseuds/sherlockpond
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John has had enough. It's been 2 years since Sherlock 'died' and now it's time John joined Sherlock. </p>
<p>Sherlock reappears and things go wrong.</p>
<p>(Light Sherlock/John- more of like strong friendship and possibility of a relationship development.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too Long Since

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure quite what was going through my head when I wrote this.  
> I'm not depressed or anything, just feeling a little macabre lately, possibly due to my exams being over.  
> And now I have no control over what happens.  
> Anyway, I wrote it on the train back from London a few days ago.
> 
> Any mistakes are mine.
> 
> Disclaimer: I am neither Moffat (Satan) or Gatiss (Satan's best friend) so therefore I own no rights.
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr: sherlockpond.tumblr

It’s been too long. Too long since I last saw you. I’m starting to forget you.

How is that even possible? You were the one constant and now I’m starting to forget. It started with singular details and now and then I forget how your hair felt under my fingertips and the feeling of your skin, the little brushes we shared but you didn’t understand.

The idea of life without you makes my heart leap in my chest. As if it’s trying to leap out in protest. We were best friends, and friends never truly leave one another, it’s an unspoken rule. Sometimes I have seconds when I can imagine snarky comments you would make to some of my habits and I smile, wishing I had cherished those moments where you were _there_ , standing next to me or pouring over your microscope in the kitchen.

Most mornings start the same. I get up. Shower. Brush my teeth. Get dressed. Sometimes I eat- it really depends if I can be bothered or not-and then I head to work. Work is the same as it’s always been, a mixture of colds, flu’s and bad news; hardly anything happy really occurs, never any nice news, always ill people who expect a cure at the snap of their fingers. When I get home I sit on the sofa and imagine what you’d be like and what you’d say if you were here. It’s all very easy saying “if” and “but” now, I suppose. That’s why I’m ready now, I think.

I’ve made it 2 years. Pretty good going, eh? Not too bad for someone who fell into depression so fast it was nearly a record-breaker. But now I’m ready. Admittedly, you’re birthdays are really difficult. I sit, knowing that the last birthday we shared was spent screaming at one another, you didn’t even tell me it was your birthday, I suppose you found it too “dull” to actually say but I would have been more lenient, I was just pissed off that day because I had had a shit day at work and you hadn’t bothered to do the washing up. In the end Mycroft told me when it was your birthday, at the wake I asked him and I felt so terrible, Sherlock, I really did, it never occurred to me, I’m sorry, I’m so _so_ sorry. Jesus, you were a pain in the arse but boy did I take you for granted.

Shit, I’m getting side-tracked, this is ridiculous, I can’t even write this properly.

Okay, here I am. On the rooftop of St. Barts. I’m ready now, I think. A message is in a queue for my website, I’ve set it to send at four o clock, it gives me enough time just to enjoy a final hour before I do this.

This time 2 years ago you were in this very spot, looking down at me like some strange angel, oh Jesus, now I’m starting to sound poetic.

One more step. That’s all. One more and all this pain is over.

The ground is pretty icy, it’s strange for a covering of ice this time of year but maybe it’s some sort of metaphor. All the warmth in the world is gone without you, I swear to god it really is.

I’m ready now.

Close my eyes.

I’m going to do it.

But suddenly, before I can take the step, you’re there, I can hear you. God, it’s so good to hear your voice, you have no idea. I know it’s my brains self-preservation kicking in. Telling me to step back. You’re screaming at me to step back, to re-think and to open my eyes.

I can’t.

When I do you won’t be there.

You’re shouting and screaming, you daren’t touch me unless I lose my balance and fall. Don’t worry, soon we’ll be able to see one another, all it takes is one more step. And then that’s it.

Suddenly I feel a pressure on my arm and suddenly I’m being span around, my eyes open instinctively and there you are. I’m still on the ledge but that doesn’t matter anymore because you’re right _there_.

Wide-eyed and almost in tears, your cheeks are stained pink with exertion.

God, you’re more beautiful than my memory does justice.

I’m about to leap into your arms when suddenly I lose my footing and my I slip.

You’re eyes get impossibly wider and you try to grasp at my clothes but your attempts are fruitless.

I’m gone.

Falling, falling.

_Screaming._

Both of us, screaming.

I see you leaning over the building as I am pulled down to the pavement.

And then it’s just you screaming.

This time there isn’t any magic trick to save me.

I guess seeing you one last time was a good final image. But now you gape at the lifeless shell splattered across the concrete. You run, you’re legs are on fire, burning from this inside, out and you just shout at anyone you gets in the way. Tearing through corridors until you get down to the pavement, you draw me close and pull me into your arms.

You cry as my essence leaks from split blood vessels.

You cry for the first time in 20 years.

For me.

And I couldn’t ask for anything more.

_Text posted on the 4 th of May 2014 – 16.00pm_

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it this far- well done and THANK YOU! :3


End file.
